Are Narcissistics really hopeless causes

Answer 1

I think that depends on what you want for yourself. If you want a monster in your life.... someone to prey on you and make you feel crazy because they say they want good things for you yet stab you in the back and betray you all the time....then they're fine just the way they are. Keep them. Pretend you're working on them, if you wish but.... don't pretend you're going to get anywhere with that strategy. Overwhelming chances are that they'll remain who they are..... and you'll do the changing (read that as going a bit "off" in the head.) Hell... maybe you'll go entirely crazy if you stay long enough.

It's probably easier to contemplate changing someone, WHO CAN'T ON ANY LEVEL BE CHANGED, than trying to rid yourself of one but...... both plans kinda suck, IMO. I struggle with the latter choice. It's awful, either way, but I don't hold out any silly notions about changing him.

It's Mr. Toad's wild ride either way. Personally.... I find the human on human agression aimed at me in threats, and actually carried out, by my N, to be horrifying and paralyzing. Changing him doesn't enter my mind. What keeps me dizzy and feeling seasick is..... his offering to change while providing stellar consistent behavior, seasoned with short bursts of his real (threatening) N self. More than enough to let me know he's not really changing but man..... he's so convincing in his attempts to change my mind about his intentions and ability to change! And when we talk... had admits he's not changing. He admits he's faking but.... to his way of thinking... any woman would/should be happy simply to have him "act" like a good father and husband. He thinks the important thing is what society around us actually SEES. It's all about appearances. He can't even fathom that his being a lying, untrusthworthy, predadatory person in a position of trust is a truly terrible thing. At least, for me it is. ::shrug:: Maybe for other people, who care less about reality than appearances, it's a fine thing.

Read that last paragraph as people who aren't ready to give up the distraction of a lifetime. Sure, N's are exciting. They provide us with a way to completely lose ourselves, and all vestiges of caring for ourselves, so busy are we trying to guage the mood and temperature of the room our N breaths in. We become dependant on their favor and/or fury. It consumes us. What are we without that struggle? Then add our ill fated attempts to "change them." How could we not be enthralled... they're capable of keeping us so off balance with manipulation and promises (that mean less to them than squashing a bug.) How utterly exhausting that existence is. How could we come up with a more all consuming distraction from creating and living a fine life..... for ourselves..... than that? Something to think about.getting off soapbox:: Tremusan