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A Field Guide to Stoners

In this modern era, it has become essential to break past stereotypes and understand different aspects of our culture. This handy field guide has been created to introduce the lay-man to the friendly stoners of America. After all, these peace-loving pipe smokers make up a significant portion of our population and are keeping the spirit of the 60s alive.

The Mellow Philosophers---a.k.a. the "hippies." An Indian or ethnic flair tends to characterize the home setting; every room is fragrant with pot and scented candles. They treat smoking like a religion, love the bud, and toke up daily. This bunch tends to stick with the classic lingo comprised of terms such as "ganja." The mellow philosopher is the most likely out of any stoner group to introduce newbies to pot. He strives to put the spirituality and sacredness back into smoking, often choosing to purify the marijuana with a water bong.

The Techies---Techies are the most educated of the smokers. You can find them chatting at their laptops about zany parties and hash whilst working on their current sales report, due Tuesday. They are inclined to occupy corners of coffee shops in clusters of three of four, discussing THC and its effects on the brain. For them, smoking is a matter of pros and cons---as long as that office drug test isn't until April, they can polish their European frameless lenses and pop out their stylish bowls.

The Musicians---Ah, the beautiful musicians and their pot... Musicians relish the beauty of the smoking experience. As the techie would say, pot heightens one's sensitivity and reception to music---a nirvana is reached through the eloquent and strange notes of slowly flowing sound. Things are not merely "cool" or "chill"---they are "so dank!"

The Addicts---Addicts are the low-lives of stoners. Usually slow-witted, they are characterized by the habit of smoking multiple times a day, and are capable of conversing only about their heyday and adventures with cops. Any stoner group is at risk for being filed in the "addict" category if they begin to rely too heavily on marijuana.

The Experienced Users---These individuals blatantly refuse mid-grade quality pot, or "middies," and purchase only KB, "kind bud"---the best and strongest. Experienced users differ from addicts in that they are not necessarily on a constant high; rather, they know how and where to get the best weed, as well as the best methodology for smoking.

The Drunken Stoners---A drunken stoner is always a good mix to any party. This species is very unpredictable, yet always turns out a good show!

The Emos---Emo kids are a confused bunch. They can be split into two categories: the artsy ones who use pot because they perceive life as a waste (and they're out of cigarettes), and the ones who smoke only when they run out of alcohol.

The Sexual Stoners---They represent a mythical species. Smoking lowers libido, as any techie-stoner will verify.

The Second Generation Users---Second generations users cultivate a collection of water bongs, hookas, and an assortment of psychedelic bowls form the 70's. Their houses are always open for parties, and their parents are fantastic hosts. The home environment and décor exudes an eclectic, "trippy" feel, with lots of vibrant colors and swirling designs.
The Movie Gurus---The presence of one of these is a must for any first-time smoker. They insist upon keeping tradition alive by toking up and watching the stoner classics such as Fantasia, Alice In Wonderland, Pink Floyd: The Wall, and The Beatles' Yellow Submarine. Don't forget some movie munchies!

The Paranoids---This character is a force to be reckoned with. He is the time-keeper and devil's advocate; able to ruin a good party with the simple question "What if that techie is an undercover cop?" For every cool, calm, and collected mellow philosopher, there is a paranoid. Panic sets in after the first few hits, guaranteeing the demoralization of any spiritual brotherhood gathering. The paranoid manages to give new life to the wild-eyed stare, demanding to know "Who took my Visine?" One moment, he will be laughing glazed-over and red-faced; the next, he will be tugging at your arm blabbering about the illegalities of the situation at hand. If you discover that your smoking buddy is a paranoid, it is best to confiscate his pot.

The Newbies---The newbie is everyone's favorite. Zealous and eager to gain experienced user status, he tries to gain as much knowledge as possible in a short amount of time. You can usually find newbies in pairs, anxiously reading and re-reading the latest copy of the High Times, talking about where they can buy their very own bowl. The newbie experiments with stoner jargon, keenly telling of last night's experience with some "dank Atlanta bud" that he and his band-buddy smoked in a basement.

There are many different types of stoners, and as one can see, it would be impossible to create a category for each unique marijuana user. We hope our guide has provided both insight and education regarding the stoner sub-culture of America. Thank you and happy smoking!

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15y ago
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6mo ago

The stoner subculture typically revolves around marijuana use and a relaxed, laid-back lifestyle. It often emphasizes peace, love, and harmony, with an appreciation for music, art, and nature. Stoners may form communities based on shared interests and values related to cannabis.

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