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You wouldn't be asking this question if you didn't already feel there was something problematic about what's occurring.

When you invest most of your focus and energies into an affair, you put other things on the shelf--your spouse/partner and your children (if any). By seeking a emotional escape with a lover, you're turning away from reality, which includes the reasons you're unsatisfied in your current life. What is missing from your life that you feel is met by the affair and your affair partner?

The problems that were in your life before the affair started haven't gone away, it's just easier to ignore them when you're on the emotional 'high' that an affair creates. When that high fades for either you or your lover you'll be back to square one. You (personally) still will not be satisfied with your life.

The problem with an affair is that both lovers live in a bubble--never planning on the major fallout that would occur if the affair was found out. Would you leave your spouse/partner for your lover? Would they leave their current partner for you? Can you accept that you will be seen as untrustworthy, based on your secrets and deceits? Will you be OK with being gossiped about, and possibly having your children exposed to it? Are you prepared for the possibility being asked by your spouse to leave your home and your family?

What do want out of your marriage/relationship? If you want to stay with your spouse/partner, you need to focus on that relationship by ending the affair now. If you no longer want to be in you current relationship, you need to do the most integral thing for everyone concerned--notify your spouse/partner that you are ending the relationship. It is then up to you and your affair partner to decide if you have anything worth pursuing in real life.

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16y ago
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6mo ago

Yes, it is important to stop the affair because continuing it can cause further harm to all parties involved. It is essential to address the underlying issues that led to the affair and to seek support, such as therapy, to navigate feelings of guilt and work towards healing and making amends.

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Q: You feel guilty about having an affair should you stop?
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because they feel guilty about it.


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