How do you stop your child hurting other children?

Answer 1

I am not specifically a mother, but i grew up with many brothers and sisters and babysit for aggressive children. You have got to stand your ground and not give in. Tell them for every day they don't get bossy or hit you'll give them a treat (Frozen Yogurt, the go gurt tubes, its healthy but i put it in a bowl and tell them its ice cream). After you tell them that you also tell them the first time they get a warning, second time their treat is gone, and a third time and they are in a naughty chair or Get grounded and get sent back to their room.

I have a different perspective. It is important that you do do not just give them treats for being good like you would a dog. Not that you shouldn't, just don't let it become the backbone of your methods. Every kid is different and requires different techniques. What is most important is that you don't just tell the child what to do. They will begin to block you out mentaly. If you tell the kid not to touch the stove, he or she will do so anyway when you can't see simply because they are curious to learn. If you tell them that it will burn their hand and hurt them, they are more likely to be satisfied with the knowledge acquired and not have to try it. You might consider telling the kid that when you hurt someone, the person they hurt will be sad and feel bad. Then they might understand what they are doing is wrong, instead of acting on the defiancy that all kids have (wanting to do what they are told not to do).

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The best way to teach a child anything is by example. If you use physical violence, shouting, tears, or tantrums to get your own way or to protest against unfair treatment, your kids will learn to see this as normal behaviour.

If your child physically hurts another child, physically hurting your child as punishment isn't a sensible way to explain to them that hitting is wrong. Quite the opposite.

If your child teases, steals from, or otherwise emotionally hurts another child, then calling your child names, humiliating them, or taking possessions or privileges from them is, again, not a sensible approach.

Teach your child that others have feelings just the same as they do, and that what hurts them will also hurt those others.

When your children are old enough to do so, encourage them to put themselves in another's place; you are the best judge of whether they've reached that level of understanding.

I'd not recommend giving a child treats, especially food treats, for not behaving badly, just as I'd not recommend withholding treats if the child does behave badly. This approach doesn't give a particularly good message, and using food in an attempt to control behaviour isn't teaching the child good eating habits at all; encouraging a child to view certain types of food as rewards isn't smart at all; good nutrition depends on kids learning all food is good, while some foods are 'sometime' foods - but not rewards for behaving well.

Don't use threats, even if you call them warnings. Catch your child's eye, give a stern look and a shake of your head; eventually this should be all you'll need when you're there watching them. They'll come to learn The Look means exactly what it says!

When The Look isn't enough, act quickly, decisively, calmly and without harsh or punitive words.

Children usually enjoy playing with other kids, so if they aren't playing well - hitting, teasing, taking toys, and so on - the best response is frequently just to take them out of the play situation straight away, explaining calmly, and privately, that maybe next time they'll play so that everyone enjoys themselves.

If they misbehave next time, just remove them immediately from the situation again. Leave them to play with their own things, in a place away from the other children. It might take a few goes, but if you keep your temper and remain consistent, you'll be glad you did.

Teach them to apologize, too. Again, this is best learned by example. If they hear their parent or parents say, to them or to others, things like 'I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I'm sorry if I've made you feel bad,' they'll learn there's no shame or weakness in saying sorry. Which there isn't. A quick and honest apology (even if you mightn't feel it's warranted) can work magic in seconds, and save all kinds of bother.

Sooner or later, your kids will be socializing with others in situations where you aren't there supervising. This is when you'll know how well your teaching's worked out.

Nobody's perfect. Don't expect yourself or your kids or the rest of the world to be. Along the way there'll be tears and tantrums and disappointment and hurts, and sometimes it'll even be the kids doing the crying and yelling!

Meanwhile, you'll be told a lot of child-raising theories by a lot of people. Listen to what they say, and watch how they really get on as a family, how their kids reallybehave...very often simple observation will show you their theories either don't work, or they don't apply them properly!

If they have happy, well-mannered and well-behaved kids, ask them for advice. If they and their children lack self-control in all kinds of situations, learn by watching them, but don't ask their advice!

Don't criticize others, especially not in front of your children. Save it for when you have coffee with a trusted friend, or for private moments with your partner, and then you can let off steam! Your children will learn even this from you: not to look down on others, and to keep negative thoughts to yourself.

You are the person they'll see most of, the person who they'll learn from just by watching you...and you'd be amazed how quickly kids pick up on a person saying one thing but doing another.

Be as honest as you possibly can be, and treat others well even if your children aren't there to see. The kids will thank you for this when they're grown.

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