Can you tell us a really really really funny joke?

Answer 1

there was three boys walking along one day their names were shut-up, manners and poo. Poo fell over and shut up went to get help, he knocked on a old lady's door and she said " Hello can i help you?" poo said yes and that his brother had fallen over up the road and needed help so she asked what his name was and he said shutup so the lady said how dare you! and where is your manners? shut up replied, up the road picking up poo

Answer 2

1. What is brown and sticky?

A STICK

2. A duck walks into a bar and says, "You got any grapes?" The bartender says, "No, we don't serve food here." So the duck leaves. The next day, the duck comes back, and says, "You got any grapes?" Bartender says, "No! Go away!" Next night, the duck comes back and says, "You got any grapes?" Bartender says, "No, I don't have any grapes, and if you ask again, I'm going to nail your webbed feet to the floor!" So the next night, the duck comes back and says, "You got any nails?" Bartender says, "No...why?" And the duck says, "You got any grapes?"

3. A guy is really depressed from breaking up with his girlfriend and one day he goes to a bar to get all drunk and then suddenly he sees this girl and he starts liking her. So he walks up to her and they start flirting and everything...They start getting into a serious relationship. One day the guy was going over the his girlfriends house and right when he walked in he sees a picture of a man and asks the girl "Who is this man?" and she's just like oh don't worry bout it and they still continue to kiss and everything. The second time he walks in his girlfriends house he sees the picture of that man again and he starts to get bothered and asks "Who is that man?? your old boyfriend? WHO??" and the girl still says chillax don't worry about it. They have been in a relationship for a while now and they have already decided to do what grown ups do right after marriage. Right before he asks the girl one last time "WHO IS THAT MAN?? I NEED TO KNOW I MEAN WE HAVE ALREADY GOTTEN MARRIED!" and the girl finally says fine I'll tell you........thats me before my surgery.

4. A guy walks into a bar with this uber-high-tech briefcase. It's got thumbprint readers, automatic locks, the whole bit. After he orders a beer, he noticed the bartender kind of staring at his briefcase. Finally, the bartender asks him, "What's the deal with the briefcase?"

"That's my sniper rifle," says the man. "I'm a hitman."

The bartender gives this some thought, then says, "Can I borrow your scope? My house is right nearby, and I think my wife's been cheating on me with the neighbor."

"Sure," says the sniper, opening his case. Sure enough, the bartender catches the neighbor in his bedroom, wearing nothing but a smile. In a rage, he says, " I knew it!!!" He turns to the hitman and asks, "How much do you charge?"

Calmly, already assembling his weapon, the man replies, "$1,000 per bullet required."

"Perfect!" says the bartender, leading the sniper to the attic. "I want you to shoot her in the lips, and him right in his manhood."

The barman waited patiently while the sniper lined up his shot. A minute went by, then two, then five. After ten minutes, the bartender could no longer take it. "What's taking you so long over there?"

The sniper held up a hand for silence before answering: "I'm about to save you a grand."

5. A blond gets hired by a wealthy man and his wife.

She walks up to the door and the man gives her a can of paint and a brush and says, "Paint the entire porch. I want it to look good." The blond nods as he hands her the 50 dollar bill. He walks back inside. "She does know the porch goes all around the house right?" The wife asks.

"I think so," replied the man. An hour later he hears a knock at the door. It is the blond.

"I finished," she says. "And I had some left over paint so I did a second coat." The man was impressed. "And by the way, it's not a Porsche. It's a Ferrari"

Answer 3

What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto

What do you call a French man wearing sandals? Phillippe Phillop.

Here's a joke you can play on somebody. Tell them to say FORT (make sure you pronounce it right) and then tell them to spell it 10 times. Then ask them what they eat soup with and they will say fork and then you say 'well I eat mine with a spoon'.

Sophie's mum had four children, April, May, June and what was the other one called? Sophie.

Tell somebody to write: "This is this cat this is is cat this is how cat this is to cat this is keep cat this is a cat this is stupid person cat this is busy cat this is for cat this is forty cat this is minutes cat." Then tell them to look at every 3rd word: The answer is, "This is how to keep a stupid person busy for forty minutes."

Why did the blond drive into the ditch? Her blinkers were on.

How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff in the bottom of a pool.

A blonde walks into a hair salon wearing headphones. hairstylist said she can't wear headphones for the haircut. Blond replies : "I can't take them off! If I do, I'll die!" so the lady cuts around the headphones. Meanwhile, the blonde falls asleep, so the lady thinks, "I'll just take them off and see what happens." She takes them off, and the next minute the blonde falls to the floor, dead. The lady puts on the headphones and guess what it was saying? "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in..."

Q: There was $1 000 000 on the table, and next to it was a smart blonde, dumb blonde, Easter Bunny and Santa Claus, the light switched on and off and the money was gone, who took it?

A: The dumb blonde. The other 3 supposedly don't exist.

Answer 4

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were walking along the beach. Suddenly, Justin says, "Aww, Britney, look at the dead birdie."

Britney looks up at the sky and says, "Where?!"

heres one for you - what do you say to someone who has cheese that isn't theirs? that is nacho cheese!!!!!!!

Answer 5

a kindergarten class is doing a science project with life savers (candy)and they guessed them all right until they got to a yellow one they couldn't figure it out so they asked the teacher for a hint and the teacher said this is something your mommy might call your daddy sometimes at that second a little girl jumped up and said spit it out its an a s s hole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wuz DAT funny enough 4 u??????????

Answer 6

There was once a boy named Bobby and his teacher asked him to figure out the first five letters of the alphabet. He went home to his mom and asked, "Mom, what is the first letter of the alphabet?"and his mom said, "Shut up, I'm on the phone!" So he went to his sister and asked, "What is the second letter of the alphabet?" His sister ignored him and screamed "Yes!" into her cellphone after her friend told her some good news. So he went to his dad who was watching football. "What's the third letter of the alphabet?" Bobby asked his dad. "42! 42!" his dad screamed at the television. So then he went to his aunt who was cooking some bread and asked, "What is the fourth letter of the alphabet" and his aunt screamed, "My buns are burning! My buns are burning!" So then he went to his brother and asked, "What is the fifth letter of the alphabet?" and his brother lifted his action figure into the air and screamed, "Bum bum bum bada BATMAN!" The next day at school the teacher asked him to state the first five letters so he said, "Shut up, I'm on the phone!" The teacher gasped and said, "Do you want to go to the principal's office?" "Yes!" Bobby replied. At the principal's office the principal asked, "OK, how many spanks do you want son?" and Bobby screamed "42! 42!" The principal spanked him and Bobby screamed, "My buns are burning! My buns are burning!" Having just about enough of him, the principal asked, "Who do you think you are?" and Bobby replied, "Bum bum bum bada BATMAN!"