What are the lyrics to Robert Klein's Medical Marijuana song?

Answer 1

These may be a little wrong. It is hard to understand him at a couple points.

"I woke up this morning, with a headache, worst I've ever had. I took some aspirin and some Tylenol, but I still feel very bad. Went to the doctor, he couldn't do a thing for me. It was then I realized, what I wanted him to prescribe - medical marijuana. It's the only thing I need. Medical marijuana, whoa whoa. Don't need much, but leave no stems and seeds. Medical marijuana, it's a versatile little weed, and it soon will be in stock, at the Rite Aid on your block. Medical marijuana. Oooooooh, I got a hangnail, I got chronic pain. Think I have glaucoma and a varicose vein. Sweeping the entire nation is medicinal THC. And all you need is a note, some bulls--t your doctor wrote. Medical marijuana. It should be sitting on the shelf. Medical marijuana, whoa whoa, you can even grow it by yourself - it's a weed. Medical marijuana, you don't need nothing else. And soon they'll have the best, at your local CVS. You won't kill your family on marijuana, won't rob a bank, you won't beat your children. The worst thing you could do on marijuana, is eat 3 Pizza pies, and a pastrami on rye, and a whopper with fries, 6 cannolis and butter milk, some donuts, popcorn and a chocolate shake in super size. It's a relatively harmless substance, difficult to abuse, unless you believe Rush Limbaugh that he's high on Vicodin and booze. I walked into a Walgreen's and I asked a pharmacist "What have you got for the common cold?", he said, "How about Acapulco gold?" Medical marijuana. It's completely natural. Medical marijuana, whoa. I can eat seventh and Red Bull. Medical marijuana, a surgeon general says it's cool. I'm not looking to get high, but I'm glad I got a license to buy. Medical marijuana. Ooh, got a neck ache, I got dandruff, I'm depressed, I got a pimple here. Amen amen, thank you ma'am. I feel better now."