Questions a lawyer should ask about the Jack and Jill case?

Answer 1

The party of the first part, hereinafter referred to as Jack, and the party of the second part, hereinafter referred to as Jill. The relationship between the two above named parties is yet to be determined. The parties ascended or caused to be ascended some degree of slope to an elevation of undetermined height compared to their location of origin. The ownership of said property and the right of the parties to be present at said location is undetermined and is not of concern to the matter at hand. Their alleged purpose was to obtain, attain, procure, secure, or otherwise gain access to an open receptacle suitable for the transport of a liquid consisting of hydrogen and oxygen. The proportions of which shall not be greater than nor less than two parts of the first mentioned element and one of the latter. This composition shall hereinafter be called water and will meet the specifications regarding impurities as defined by the Environmental Protection Agency and its successors and assigns. On the occasion stated above, it has been established beyond a reasonable doubt that Jack did plunge, tumble, topple, or otherwise was caused to lose his footing in such a manner as to thrust his body in the downward direction. As a direct and proximate cause of these combined circumstances, Jack suffered fractures and contusions to his cranial region, resulting in pain, discomfort, loss of income and other as yet to be determined and identified injuries. Jill is said to have fallen after Jack. Whether after is used in the spatial and/or time passage sense has not been determined.