Your 17 year old daughter is disrespectful Not so much what she says but how she says i Help?

Answer 1

Teen agers go through this phase, the important thing is to let her know that you love her. It may also help to try treating her as a young adult, if you want her to do something just don't tell her to do it, explain what you would like or how you feel and why or ask her for her opinion.

As I said the phase will pass the important thing is not to react in such a way that you harm the relationship you have with you daughter.

Your 17 year old is flexing her independent muscles which is quite normal. However, disrespect of her parents is not! Put your foot down and let her know she is allowed to living under your roof and you require respect. It is also up to you to be respectful to her.

Get her to make a list of things that bother her about living at home and, in turn you write a list of things that she does that makes you upset. Then both of you sit down and exchange lists. Take one item at a time and try to understand where each other is coming from and if there is an amicable solution to the problem. Let her know that her attitude doesn't convince you that she is mature enough to handle the independence she thinks she can master. If some of her requests are outrageous then say so and tell her that particular request is not up for grabs, then let her take something away from your list. This is called 'compromising.' It's a contract between the two of you. Once you have done this then each of sign the other's paper of agreements and tack it on the fridge.

These are some things you shouldn't put up with:

• Having her friends phone at all hours of the night if it disturbs you or the rest of the family.
• Homework is to be done before she goes out.During school nights she should be home at a reasonable time (you will both have to decide on the time factor.)
• She is not to stay out all night and come home at 1 to 2 in the morning without at least phoning to let you know she is OK.
• She doesn't do drugs, at least in your home and if she is high (not accusing her) when she does get home then give her one warning and if she doesn't heed then seek professional help. It's called 'intervention!' If she refuses that help then kick her butt out. She'll stay at friends, but will get sick of friend hopping and they'll all get sick of it too. She'll find out the hard way that life isn't so kind to a 17 year old on their own.
• No coming home drunk.
• No phoning home late at night expecting you to pick her up on a whim. If it's an emergency or she is drunk then that is a different thing.
• Not letting you meet her boyfriend.
• Staying over at her boyfriends over night. This is a hard one because she is going on 18 and there really isn't much you can do about it, but at least let her know you disapprove and leave it at that.
• She is to keep her room clean, do her own wash, make her own lunches if she takes them to school and can help around the house on occasion.

As far as the friends she chooses instead of putting down her friends ask her to bring them home, or, if they are with her make an effort to get to know them. You can't always judge a teen because they have nose rings or tattoos. These are generally fashion statements and doesn't mean this friend is guiding your daughter down the wrong road. The more you tell her you don't like a boy she is going out with or don't like a friend or friends of hers then the war is on!

If you feel your daughter is on the wild side and is disrespectful, swears or disrupts the rest of the family constantly then you have the right to get her to counseling or, if she refuses then pack her bags and tell her when she's ready to go by the rules she can come home. Let her know you love her, but refuse to walk on egg shells around her and require the respect you give her.

Then ..... pray to God, cross your fingers and generally most teens will get over their hormonal surges and settle down eventually.