If you just decided to leave a verbally abusive relationship and this is your first breakup are you doing the right thing and does it get easier?

Answer 1

Answer

Good for you! It takes a lot of guts to leave a relationship no matter what the circumstances.

Believe it or not it does get easier, but it's going to take some work on your part and there are going to be days when you want to quit and figure it's better to live with an abusive spouse than it is to live alone. Don't go back! Lean on family, a best friend or friends. Try to get out with girlfriends at first and not sit around your home pouring over what has happened or what could have been because nothing will change if you go back.

You are going to need some counseling because anyone who has been in an abusive relationship be it verbal/physical have been scarred in life. The abuser has made the victim feel useless and even though you could be angry at this person you may feel it's better to put up with that then be alone. Not true! You don't want a repeat performance if you meet another person later on.

I went with my fist husband for 4 years and then we got engaged. My family and friends told me, he wasn't good for me, but I didn't listen and married him. I took verbal abuse and cheating (and some physical abuse) from him for 3 1/2 years and one day it just hit me to leave. I came home early from work and started looking for an apartment. Eventually I found one, and then again I took off of work early and had a friend of mine help me take my things out of the suite my hubby and I had been renting and moved into my new apartment. At first I felt like a caged bird that had been set free, but then reality set in. I felt lonely, depressed and I felt I hadn't tried hard enough in my marriage. I began to make excuses and considered going back with him (he'd been phoning and begging me to come back) but for some reason I hung on and gave it a couple of months. I quit my old job and got a great new job, started going out with friends, meeting new ones, took up some college courses and was one busy lady. I began to date (that didn't always go smooth ... you know ... divorced lady ... she's gotta need it garbage) and I was miserable about that for awhile. I began to realize that I was in control of my life and I didn't need to take anything I didn't want too. I stopped dating for awhile and then when I figured I was never going to get married again a wonderful male friend of mine introduced me to my 2nd husband and I am happy to say we have been married for 33 years. Those 33 years haven't been perfect and we've had our arguements and certainly had reality to deal with many times, but we do love each other and we are there 100%. It finally dawned on me about what life was about. It was "you first"! I had to fix me! I had to know who I was and what I was about. None of us know 100% what we are capable of until we give it our best shot and I grew strong from that time I had alone in my new apartment. I was a whole person again, confident, popular and so I was told a good looking girl, so I was blessed. I hadn't though of myself in years as all those things, and it sure feels good. When you least expect it that's when you meet that special someone in your life.

So, get some counseling, go to an abused Women's Center if need be, start making new friends, do things you've always wanted to do. Realize how strong you are for just having left this abusive relationship (because most people don't.) If you don't like the job you are in, start looking for a new one or take extra courses so you can work your way up the ladder. Have fun! Get to know who you are, because it doesn't sound like you have had much of a chance to do so. To know oneself as best one can and to be free to do as you would like is the best feeling ever. No man or woman should ever treat the other with disrespect, arrogance or take their independence away.

Good luckMarcy

Answer

Whenever anyone takes action that secures their emotional and physical well-being they have indeed done the "right thing." People often become depressed after any breakup but most especially abusive ones. You might want to visit an excellent site on domestic violence and general mental health issues pertaining to women www.helpguide.org