How do you tell someone off without swearing?

Answer 1

If you can go for a walk or get away from the person for at least an hour until you cool off. Often we lose focus or say something we don't mean when we are angry and sometimes those words can never be taken back. Once you have cooled off, then plan on what you are going to say. Pick a topic or topics about that person that bothers you and stick to them and firmly tell the person what it is about them that is bothering you. After you have stated the fact give them a chance to express their own views. Sometimes we can 'agree to disagree', but it doesn't always work. If the person is not cooperative then tell them to 'stay out of your face!' Here are some scenarios that may fit into what you are going through: * You go to school and someone you recognize, but don't particularly like is bothering you then take a deep breath and say what you have to say. Tell them that they are bothering you and you don't appreciate it and to knock it off! If they ask if you are threatening them say, 'No, I'm warning you.' Just walk away (but watch your back!) If this continues then see the school counselor. * If it is a friend that is really bothering you then the relationship between you should be open and candid. However, if you are very good friends you have to cool off so you choose your words very carefully so you don't really hurt that person to the core and possibly end a beautiful, long lasting relationship. * Boss at work could be a real pain in the butt. However respect is everything because he signs the pay checks! If you feel you are being treated unfairly then make an appointment with your boss and be ready to get to the facts so as not to waste his or her time. Don't whine and give facts and that you don't appreciate their demeanor and don't deserve it. Be sure you are right! * Coworker giving you a problem at work. Speak to the coworker first (after you have cooled off) and take them aside (don't embarrass them in front of other coworkers) and let them know in no uncertain terms you aren't taking what they are dishing out. If they refuse to listen and still cause you problems then it's time to speak with your Superior. * If it's someone in your family remain cool and calm and sit down with that person (possibly with another relative in the room at the same time) and discuss your problems with this person. It's important to know that you are always not right and that you should do a little soul searching yourself. If you feel you have validity then be sure you cool off and handle the problem in a professional manner no matter whom you are dealing with. Sometimes people that bother you aren't doing so to get under your skin, but they may have bad habits, personal problems or could well be depressed. I have learned through my years that when someone is nasty to me in most cases that person is generally unhappy within themselves. It depends how well I know the person and if it's a stranger I simply smile and walk away. This is not a weakness, but a smart way to handle the situation because it would be a complete waste of energy to argue with a stranger. If it's a friend I cool off and plan what I want to say to that person and I always try to tell them to their face if possible. Sometimes there are misunderstandings between two people. You are thinking one way and the other person may find traits in you that are bothersome or, they may have misunderstood and have hurt feelings. When dealing with a somber clerk in a store I don't take offence to it (even though the customer is always right or clerks are suppose to have a smile plastered on their faces 24/7) and I'll say something like, 'Bad day?' Nine chances out of ten that person will soften up and almost tell me their life story. We're just all human beings and have our good and bad days and certainly personal problems. People hurt out there and they have a lot of pressure. We live in a 'whatever society' or a 'me society' and it's always about moi! Well it isn't in some cases so it's best to learn early how to resolve situations and look at that person to see if they truly are bothersome or nasty or trying to take something from you in an under handed way before talking to them. Attacking another human being gets you nowhere. I go by rule of thumb .... if I don't know the person that well and what they have said to me may sting my pride or, I feel a 'flare up' coming on, I smile and walk away. Why? It's a waste of energy because this person is of no consequence in my life. I also look at people as having personal problems and realize we are not all made alike or react in the same fashion and so I give a slightly wide birth to some people. If the person is persistant then I'll cool off, but go after them like a Pit Bull and let them know loud and clear I don't like what they are saying and if they aren't willing to resolve the problem I simply cut them out of my life. Good friends are important to me so I'll confront them, but NEVER accuse them and try to get to the bottom of the problem and work things out. In most cases it works, but if not then it's time to move on.

Answer 2

Well, as a person who has never used swearing to express myself, I find 'telling off' someone quite easy. It's the emotion (anger, frustration) that gets in your way. Pace yourself (use the old 'count to ten' if you must); take a few seconds to think about what went wrong in the interaction (not easy when you're boiling). After thinking it through, clearly but firmly tell the offending party what they did to offend or misuse you. If you can pull it off, they will either be so angry or so surprised that you can just walk away with your head up. It does take practice but when you succeed, it is very satisfying. As often as not, your 'matter of fact' delivery can lead to a reasonable interaction rather than escalating hostility.

Most often, people respond to offense emotionally. Most people have a belief system of right and wrong or a sense of limits that other people can't be privy to and they can easily 'cross your line'. Spend a little time when you are not angry or upset to think about your own belief system and how you can defend it without hurting others or stepping on theirs.