How do you get a relationship phobe to change his ways?

Answer 1

Unless this relationship phobe (a person afraid of relationships) is a puppet, literally, and you are asking a question about putting on a puppet show, you don't.

Your only bet is to start a relationship with someone who already has the qualities you are looking for, or at the minimum, is actively trying to develop them. The complementary question that you may choose to ask yourself is this: how can I change so that I am OK with this relationship phobe's way of conducting himself?

You can't? There is your answer.

Another possibility: it's not that he's afraid of relationships, it's that he doesn't want one with you, or at least not the one you want. Human beings cannot be trained, coerced, forced to change. Find one that you are compatible with.