“Bells”
Blackadder episode
Bob and Blackadder
Episode no.	Season 2 Episode 1
Guest stars	Rik Mayal Gabrielle Glaister John Grillo Edward Jewesbury Barbara Miller Young
Written by	Ben Elton Richard Curtis
Directed by	Mandie Fletcher
Original airdate	January 9, 1986
Episode chronology ← Previous Next → – "Head"
List of Blackadder episodes

"Bells" is the first episode of the BBC sitcom Blackadder II, the second series of Blackadder, which was set in Elizabethan England from 1558 to 1603.

Plot

Kate, an attractive young woman, is attempting to comfort her father for her mother's death. Her father replies that Kate's mother is not dead but has run off with her uncle, and that it's their poverty that has him so upset. He suggests that Kate become a prostitute to solve their money troubles. Kate refuses indignantly and decides to go to London to seek her fortune, over her father's objections ("Why walk all the way to London when you can make a fortune lying on your back?!")

Lord Blackadder is at home, target practicing with his bow and arrow (his servant, Baldrick, is holding the target). Hanger-on Lord Percy enters and announces that he is in love with Jane Harrington. Blackadder asks, "Jane 'Bury Me in a Y-Shaped Coffin' Harrington?" and then remarks casually that he and Baldrick had both slept with her, which throws Percy's aim off and he shoots Baldrick in the groin.

Kate enters, disguised as a boy, introduces herself as "Bob," and asks to be accepted into Blackadder's service. Blackadder hires her on the spot.

Over the next few weeks Lord Blackadder finds himself strangely attracted to his new servant and spends a great deal of time with "Bob". Lord Melchett and the Queen are concerned by this, and even Blackadder himself begins to worry after he nearly kisses "Bob" during a friendly tussle. He seeks advice from a doctor, who prescribes leeches, and (on Baldrick's advice) consults the Wise Woman, who gives him three options: 1) kill Bob; 2) commit suicide; or 3) go ahead and sleep with Bob but to ensure no one ever finds out, kill everyone in the entire world.

With no other options Blackadder orders Bob out of his service, but the truth is revealed (along with "Bob's" breasts) and after a very brief sexual encounter Blackadder asks Bob/Kate to marry him. She accepts, and the Queen consents, after being reassured that Kate's nose isn't prettier than hers. Baldrick is chosen as Kate's bridesmaid (Lord Percy, unable to recognize Baldrick in a dress, kisses him). Edmund's choice for best man is his school chum, Lord Flashheart, "the best sword, the best shot, the best sailor and the best kisser in the Kingdom," much to Percy's disappointment.

The wedding however does not go as smoothly as planned. Edmund bribes Kate's father to leave before anyone sees him, and Lord Flashheart doesn't show up. With no best man Blackadder reluctantly asks Percy to fill in. At that moment Flashheart crashes through the roof, throws Percy out, and begins chatting up every woman in the room, including Nursie ("Nursie! I like it firm and fruity!") and Baldrick ("Hey, Bridesmaid, like the beard!"). He is quite taken with "Bob" and proceeds to steal her from Blackadder. The two of them appear wearing each others clothing, announce they are running away together, set off a bomb, and disappear. Melchett reminds Edmund that it is customary in these situations for the groom to marry the bridesmaid; a suggestion positively received by Baldrick.

Trivia

Trivia sections are discouraged under Wikipedia guidelines. The article could be improved by integrating relevant items and removing inappropriate ones.

• When Lord Melchett announces that Blackadder is engaged to a girl called Bob, the Queen replies, "Bob seems an odd name for a girl. Girls are generally called Elizabeth." Then in a distinctly dismissive tone, she adds, "or Mary." This is a clear reference to the historical Queen Elizabeth's sister Mary Tudor and possibly also to her cousin Mary, Queen of Scots, with both of whom Elizabeth was on less-than-friendly terms.

• At one point, Blackadder and Bob are shown strolling through park-like countryside (filmed at Wilton House). There is no dialogue but excerpts from songs play and writing scrolls across the bottom similar to a televised advertisement for a music collection. Two of the songs listed are Greensleeves and My Love Is a Prick (On a Tudor Rose). This is also the only on location scene in any episode of the later series, (not including the closing credits of Blackadder II or the opening sequence of Blackadder Goes Forth).

• Several times in the wedding ceremony actors Rik Mayall and Miranda Richardson say their lines directly to the camera, thereby breaking the fourth wall.

• During Mayall's appearance in the final scene, his false moustache can visibly be seen coming off. All the characters, including Mayall, are visibly trying to restrain their laughter.

• In the first scene Kate's father tells her, "Your mother's alive and well and living in Droitwich!" Droitwich is Rik Mayall's home town.

• Bells was the first of two appearances of the charismatic Lord Flashheart (the second was in the fourth series episode Private Plane. This was also the first appearance of Gabrielle Glaister as the girl called Bob; the second was in the fourth series episode Major Star.

• The unique locations of this episode were "Bob's" house and the countryside featured during the musical montage. This is the only time during the Season when filming was done outdoors (the cemetery scene in Money" was shot on a soundstage).

Music

• As with all the episodes in this season, there is a distinct song sung describing the story in that particular episode. In this episode, it goes:

Lord Flashheart tweaked the Adder's beard.

From now he always shall be single.

To fall in love with boys is weird,

Especially boys without a dingle.

Black Adder, Black Adder. His taste is rather odd.

Black Adder, Black Adder, the randy little sod.

Lord Flashheart, Lord Flashheart, I wish you were the star.

Lord Flashheart, Lord Flashheart, you're sexier by far.

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